5/31/08 Now entering papahood!

Congratulations to you John and welcome to papahood! Your are now a PIT (papa in training), because this great task that you are fully engulfed in is pure OTJ training. Now, you will have to come up with your own handle since I am the original PIT. But anyway, welcome to the most awesome chapter of your life. Keep me posted all the fun!

Can’t you see that?

Fathers, I am so glad to see so many of us in parks playing with our kids. For many like myself, time on a holiday weekend is more than what we normally get during the week. So, it makes sense to me that we may forget things when we take the kids out. Tools for snot management can’t be one of them!

Out at the park last week the family and I were playing in the sand. Along comes a small brood trailed by their dad. He has forgotten the sand toys so we offer ours. As the middle child walks up we notice he has the beginnings of a runny nose. We engage in the usually parental park banter as we watch the kids play. I can’t concentrate much on what the dad is saying because my internal clock is ticking at a deafening volume.

When his he going to take care of that? Within a few minutes the kid was able to taste his snot without sticking his tongue out. All I am thinking is, “I am glad my kid is done with those toys. That shovel and rake are going straight into the dishwasher when we get back!” I just don’t get it. Maybe it is because he was on number three and I am on my first child. But can’t he see that?

If you find yourself with out proper gear, ask for help. In the sea of strollers and diaper bags in a park someone will dig in and lend, I me give, you a tissue. If all else fails, take one for the team and use your sleeve!

Creating Memories

This weekend I am rolling solo.  I am  back in my home town for a wedding. But that is not what this entry is about. Its about what truly lasts in the mind of a child.

Due to my haste to make my flight I didn’t bring a dress shirt. So this morning, off I went to the mall. The freeway exit for the mall is the same one that takes me to the cemetery where my mom’s body is burried. I am deliberate in the way I phrase that for reasons that I will get to in a moment.

As I approached the exit a very sentimental song about lost loved ones came on the radio. I had enough time to hear the first few lines and still decide if I would stop at the cemetery. I rarely visit  because, 1) I know my mother is not there, and 2) rather than flowers at a grave site, I aim to honor her memory by living out the best things she taught me everyday.

Today I stopped.  The song is in full swing now and really getting heavy. I should be all choked up at this point. Everything is cool, no water works. After a few minutes of searching I find the marker. There is her name, birth date and the day she left this world. I stand there pondering what will happen next, it has been years so will I break down? Nothing!

All I can think about are the great meals she not only prepared but taught me how to cook. I can still hear those belly laughs that came when she talked with her sisters on the phone for hours. Then there are the relationship skills she taught me that I use even now to be a better husband. All I can do is grin from ear to ear. 

This ten minute detour heightened my desire to create memories with my children. Memories that can be passed on and embellished upon (hopefully in my favor). Memories that will bring a smile or give direction after I am long gone, which I hope doesn’t happen for another seventy years or so.

If your kids are old enough, ask them about the best time they have ever had with dad. If they have to think about it for more than ten seconds, get to work! Just remember, no pressure, its about what they take - not what you give.

A real Primo Papa!

This man’s outlook on life embodies the vision of being a Primo Papa. By him just being what he truly wants to be his family receives benefits that will last a life time.

Randy, I am praying for another miracle because you already are one!

The look of love

Most mornings when I say my goodbyes for the day all I get is a moment of eye contact and a smile, then my son goes back to exploring. The routine goes like this. I walk over to where he is playing and kneel down to go through my check list. I tell him to have a good day, have lots of fun, take his naps, and eat all of his food. Once the instructions have been doled out I always end with “Daddy loves Joshua”. Monday was different, somewhere in the middle of the instructions he put down his toys and looked up directly into my eyes. Our eyes locked and he wouldn’t let me go. The world could have been coming to an end and he would still have been transfixed on my face. He was hanging on my every word.

A flood of emotion came over me. In that moment the sense of responsibility was ominous. It was truly a humbling experience. I couldn’t stop telling him how much I loved him. That look of innocence and devotion pure is motivation! I gave him a kiss, them my wife and ran out the door. In addition to a renewed sense of obligation to my family, a one year old was about to bring a grown man to tears just by the look in his eyes.

Kick mom out!

Gentlemen, if your wife, girlfriend, etc. is anything like my wife, she has made it clear that she wants you to be involved. I have heard time and time again that the sexiest thing a man can do is help with the children. Well I am here to tell you that you might have to kick her out of the house to do it!

Does this scenario sound familiar?

Mom:”Honey will you give Jr. a bath tonight I am really tired. I would love to just get in bed and read a few magazines.”

Dad: “Sure babe, I got it, go relax.”

Mom: “Remember to check the water before you put him in.”

Dad: “Babe, I got it. We’ve been doing this for 8 (insert your number here) months now, I know the routine.”

Mom: “I know, but remember that time you forgot to bring the baby shampoo with you?” Again, insert your blunder here.

Mom: “Do you have the bath toys?”

Mom: “You know how he loves the green one.”

Mom: “Oh, one last thing….”

As a result of all this, the baby is back in her arms and the remote is back in your hands. Which is just about the worst outcome for everyone involved. But who could blame you right? Now to be fair to the ladies, they have invested more educational hours than you on getting this all right the first time. Remember, your wives are giving it their all and when you put that much into something it can be difficult to let go. Even when they are begging for relief. What is the solution you ask?

KICK MOM OUT!

Suggested methods:

$$$$: You know that new resort/spa she mentioned from that magazine she is always quoting from? Find it and book a *night, or *weekend if you dare. Pack her bag and send her on her way.

$$$ : Purchase a gift certificate to the local day spa. Go over the babies’ schedule for the day in detail. Make sure the car is washed and full of gas then give her the boot.

$$ : Call the husband of another mom she likes to hang out with and arrange a movie night for the wives to that flick neither of you wants to see. I am sure he needs to kick his wife out as well. Buy the ticket for your wife so she doesn’t just go shopping for the baby with the money. Spring for candy and popcorn to go along with the movie ticket.

$ : Give your wife a $20.00 bill and send her to the bookstore. The only rule, again: No baby books or magazines.

$0.00: Send her to a friends house, or to the park with a book (see above) and some homemade snacks or lunch. Caveat, don’t suggest she go out to exercise unless that was her routine long before she got pregnant. You don’t want to open that can of worms. When it comes to exercise you had better go with her!

Guys, if you are reading this then I know you are or want to be conscientious fathers. You took the classes, read most of what she gave you from the time you two decided to start trying to have a baby until now, and you have been hands on a good portion of the time. If she doesn’t feel as good about your skills then show off some of your moves at bath time and around the changing table more often. Then kick her out! It will be good for everyone.

*Before sending her away for the day or overnight make sure you have the schedule in your PDA/Smartphone with reminders set to go off 20 minutes before any action item is due. Have plenty of pumped milk if you are still in that stage. Lastly, have the number of at least two people with more experience (lots more) than you and who won’t tell her you called for help. This way the only call you make to her is to say the baby is fine and enjoy.

The baby needs a what?

I was having a flashback to the pregnancy stage of my journey through fatherhood when the “wipe warmer” crossed my mind. My wife brought this “absolute necessity” to my attention and I just remember thinking, “the baby needs a what?” I didn’t come straight out and laugh, but I did check to see if she was serious. We live in a warm climate and I can’t remember the last time it was in the forties even at night. So, why did we need an electric hot box that keeps the baby wipes warm?

The reasoning, aka sales pitch, is that cold wipes are jolting to a baby. I had to look that up in the description on Amazon by the way. I guess I wouldn’t want a cold wet cloth on my butt every few hours either. From the way the reviews read everyone involved is happier with warm wipes. Our family will never know the difference since the warmer has been with us from day one. So I can’t vouch for it’s effectiveness at making diaper changes easier or less jarring.

Now I am wondering about other outrageous baby gear. If you have one I would love to hear about it. Does it still seem unnecessary or do you hate to admit that you can’t live without it?

It is never just a second

“I turned away just for a second”. Before having a child I would hear that saying, or should I say excuse, and wonder in disgust how a parent could do it. I think I have an answer, unfortunately it came at my son’s expense. He is fine by the way, it did more damage to me than him I am sure.

That infamous night I was flying solo. We just made it in from the park and the cold air started a very runny nose. I never want my kid to be the snot nose kid that looks neglected, so I took immediate action. We dashed into the house straight to all of the assorted baby care items in his room. I PUT HIM ON THE GUEST BED (Warning, first wrong move). The bed is purposely jammed in a corner and he is pointed toward a wall. I TURN MY BACK (Warning, second wrong move) to grab a wipe. Then I contemplate wipe or burp cloth.

THUD, yes THUD! My heart is now equally divided between my throat and the pit of my stomach. I turned back to him faster than I ever thought I could move. There he was on his back staring up at me with sheer terror in his eyes. I swoop and scoop. So far there is no crying. Then the look of terror in my eyes gets the water works and screaming going.

There I was profusely apologizing to my 11 month old son. Frantically but delicately I probed his tiny frame trying to make sure nothing is broken and that his brain isn’t scrambled. I looked like a pyscho cop trying to give his first field sobriety test. After what seemed like 15 minutes (less than 5) the swell of tears subsided and the shrills came to an end.

Once I felt confident 911 was not necessary, I call the doctor then my wife. She picked up the phone and I start with Josh is fine – then I said it, “I turned away just for a second”. I will deal with that conversation on another post.

Here is my theory on why parents even utter that sentence. We totally misuse the word “second”. Before I had a child I would throw around this increment of time without a thought. Any length of time less than a minute was a second. You have heard them all. “Just a sec” , “One second”. Going through night feedings, sleep and feeding schedules I know that every second counts. After this episode, I will never take a second for granted again. Which leads me to my final thought.

I know for a fact that it was more than a second. I even had a quick thought about how well he was staying in place on the bed. The reality of the situation was that it was more like 10 seconds. It doesn’t take a crawling baby 10 seconds to get to the edge of a full sized bed. I won’t give you the warnings that our wonderful pediatrician and every book I read repeated over and over. If you are striving to be a Primo Papa, you already know them.

I will just say be honest, it is never just a second.

Heed the warning

I had only heard the chorus of this song on one of those “hits of the 70’s” commercials. The tune was catchy, but I never bothered to listen to the rest of the song.  After a discussion about career choices and lifestyle, a friend mentioned the song. It was suggested that I take a listen. I found the lyrics and read them. Just the thought of the outcome in the song being my reality is flat out sad.

For all of us trying move up the ladder, build the company or be the bread winner, you may want to check on your “work/life balance”.  Here is a serious case of reaping what you sow.

Artist: Harry Chapin

Song: “Cats in the Cradle”

Album: Verities & Balderdash

Year: 1974

Label: Elektra/Wea

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw”, I said “Not today
I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s ok”
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and said with a smile
“What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Start a fire in the kitchen part #1

Gentlemen I am sure you have been asked to read many articles about parenting over the months and years. In the beginning there aren’t many that feature dads, the ones that do seem to have a recurring theme, sex. More specifically the lack of sex. The authors are good about giving suggestions to enhance our situation, which usually entails: cooking, cleaning, massages, and every thing but breast feeding for at least 72 hours before you even think about giving her “the look”.

Let’ s assume you know how to clean and give massages. It is also safe to say by now “yes dear” covers just about everything else. That leaves us with cooking. They say we should do it, but never say how. I am going to get you started.

The Gourmet Dinner Sandwich:

4 Portobello mushrooms

4 1/4 inch slices of sourdough loaf

2 palm sized pieces of red leaf lettuce

1/2 cup grated Cheddar cheese

4 slices of larger ripe tomato

2 table spoons Olive oil

Sea salt

Fresh cracked black pepper

Crushed red pepper flakes

Dried Basil

Garlic flakes

Balsamic Vinegar

Begin by putting a large skillet or griddle over medium to low heat. Now begin preparing the mushrooms. Gently break the tops away from the stem at the base, and discard. They should come apart cleanly. With a dry paper towel brush both sides of the mushroom top to remove any dirt and lay out flat on paper towels or a plate. Lightly season with a pinch of salt for each mushroom. Add a dash basil and garlic flakes. Follow with black and red pepper to taste. Go light on the seasonings as mushrooms are mild in flavor. Feel free to leave out anything you or the lady don’t like. In fact, since we are trying to spark some romance skip the garlic completely. Next, wash lettuce under cold running water and pat dry. Slice the tomato and grate cheese.

Now back to our skillet. Drizzle both sides of the sourdough bread with olive oil and place in the skillet. Toast the bread until golden brown while still soft in the middle. Add two teaspoons for olive oil to the skillet and gently place the mushrooms in. If you are doing this on the grill outside or on a two burner griddle you can grill mushrooms and toast the bread at the same time. If you can’t do both at the same time, do the bread first so that the mushrooms are hot when served. Allow about 2 minutes per side for the bread and 3 minutes per side for the mushrooms. The mushrooms will begin to wilt and shrivel a little, not much.

It is all in the presentation from here. You know the drill, lights down and candles on. Get out the place mats, cloth napkins, silverware, and matching dishes. Surprise her if you can but don’t be too proud to ask where any of this stuff is if you don’t know. Back to the food. Again its all presentation.

Place the first slice of bread on the plate and drape a nice piece of lettuce on it. Then place two slices of ripe red tomato on the lettuce. Next add two hot mushrooms slightly overlapping each other. Then the grated cheese. Don’t add too much cheese or it won’t melt, and do it right away so that the mushrooms are hot enough to melt the cheese. Finally, add as splash of Balsamic vinegar and lean the top slice of bread just onto the sandwich so that everything is exposed. Serve with what every sliced fruit is fresh and in season. Offer a sparkling lemonade to drink.

This should take you less time to make that it did for me to right out how to make it. I am talking 20 minutes from start to finish. Don’t worry about how things turn out at this point. You will get major points for the effort. You should be able to redeem those point for a little extra attention. As a matter of fact, you would be smart to not try and cash your chips in as fast as you earn them. Save some for later and she may extend the invitation to you.

Bon (you fill in the blank)!